My Gasoline Rainbow

You can't see my scars, but my insides are covered in them. But like this Warrior I will continue to fight, wearing them as my badges of honour every day knowing that I made it through.       Missy x

It’s been a rough weekend. I had a total meltdown on Friday night after a build up of stresses got the better of me. After taking my frustrations out on my partner, I ran off taking the keys to the car and ended up in a park down the road in the dark by myself sitting on a swing in a completely hysterical state just crying. Classic Bipolar episode, luckily I was lucid enough to tell my partner where I was so he could walk to where I was, as I was in no state to drive. I’ve been stressed for weeks and it just got too much, a complete emotional overload. I was stressed about dealings with a creative agency I’d been trying to work with to get my blog to where I want it to be within my small budget. I was stressed about issues with my parents and their separation and the toll it was taking on my relationship with my mum. I was stressed about the house and cleaning.  I’d been stressed about my health and my weight.  I’d been stressed about my partner and...

This Thursday evening, I will be one of the lucky few to be attending the exclusive screening of "Uncovering the Brisbane Look".  QueensPlaza in association with Mercedes-Benz Brisbane is launching an inspiring documentary film to celebrate Brisbane's style at the GoMA . Former Vogue Editor, Kirstie Clements narrates the film and plays the role as Executive Producer while it looks at it's creativity, passion and everything that draws us in about Brisbane's thriving fashion industry. Style heavyweights interviewed especially for the film include Easton Pearson 's Lydia Pearson, Sass and Bide 's Heidi Middleton, and Nicky and Simone Zimmermann . The public launch will take place on Monday 3 March. I got the chance to have a quick chat to Stylist Josh Jones who was involved with the project about what he had to say... Josh Jones How did you get involved with “Uncovering the Brisbane Look” and what was your role? I was luck...

As it turned out this was to be my last shoot with Get it Magazine . My health had been deteriorating dramatically over the last few months and as much as I loved the shoots, the tight deadlines had been adding to my stress, so after talks with my loving friend (and Publisher) it was decided that I was to take a break to focus on my health. So I could take the time I needed to rest without the stresses of deadlines, without worrying about the impact my behaviour was having on the rest of the team and so I could focus on my first love, my blog. I am so blessed to have such an understanding friend in the Publisher at Get it Magazine. It certainly hasn't been like that at previous places I've contracted to. Anyway, on the day of the shoot, I was very agitated. I can't remember why, the nature of the beast I guess. As I'd never worked with the model before I didn't want to scare her on the off-chance that the agitation escalated (as we were working at a high end...

Model | Zoe @ Division Models Photographer | Dan Molloy Hair & Make Up | Satya Schmitz Shot on Location | Sofitel Gold Coast As featured in Get it Magazine December 2013

It was a beautiful Saturday, so I spent the day in and out of the pool relaxing and taking in the emotional week of my big "reveal". I'd been so stressed in the lead up to the decision to open up and talk about my Bipolar Disorder as I realised there were potentially going to be both positive and negative consequences as I had no idea how people would react.  People judge what they don't understand. There has been some silence from people who I thought were my friends, but I have the strength to know that I didn't do this for applause or for any other reason than to free myself from the chains of holding in a secret that had bound me for so long. I also wanted to educate and to help reduce the stigma. Making sure I relax and take it easy now is crucial, as I am at a phase that has potential to develop into manic behaviour that could potentially turn into an episode. I am so very aware of my moods, my sleep patterns, speech and thought processes. So ma...

The number one relationship in my life is with my medication. I sometimes struggle with the fact that I will be taking various meds for the rest of my life to manage my condition but that’s the choice I,  my family and my medical team  made in lieu of being hospitalized. At 9.30am and 9.30pm I take my daily meds of: AM 750mg Lithium – mood stabilizer 200mg Topamax – anticonvulsant PM 750mg Lithium 200mg Topamax 50mg Seroquel – antipsychotic OPTIONAL WHEN REQUIRED 5mg Diazepam - anxiety 10mg Temazepam – insomnia Plus other health aids like vitamins, contraception etc….   So on an average day I could be taking between 15-20 pills (depending on my emotional state). If I even miss one day or one dose of the fabulous concoction above, it could potentially trigger a manic episode. Like all medication there are side effects and because I’ve been taking them daily and some of these for 6 years they are by far fr...

I bought these dozen pink roses yesterday as a present for myself just before I posted my blog because I love me. You don't need a special day to have anyone tell you they love you or to give you flowers to make you feel special. It's all in you xx NB. I'm a bsolutely blown away by all the comments, messages, emails and calls of support after yesterday's blog post. So today on the day we celebrate love, I have never felt more loved and supported. And I thank you, for giving me the strength and courage to share with you my daily trials and tribulations whilst educating and reducing the stigma.

It’s been awhile. I haven’t been myself. In fact if I’m perfectly honest I don’t think I’ve ever really been myself. I’ve recently moved house, AGAIN, but this time back to the water, back to where I feel safe and it feels good. I’ve felt a clarity that has got my brain focused again, thinking about writing again (this blog post has been coming together for weeks now!) and it’s exciting. I feel about as close to the real me as I have in years. It’s given me the strength and the opportunity to take the steps I need to follow my vision, my dream. In June 2008, I was diagnosed with the brain disorder Bipolar Type 1, and it changed my life as I knew it forever. I don’t like to use the term “mental illness”, I think it conjures up negative associations like movie style crazy psych wards and tragic news reports….. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…. We all judge! I was guilty of judging too. For those of you that don’t know what Bipol...